Getting bit by the black dog

Late afternoon Facebook post
Precious fetus conceived
to someone else.
Dark waters flood over me-
drowning me.
Why do I torture myself
with what ifs and
law of attraction bullshit
I attracted this?
The next afternoon,
the flood waters recede
leaving a high water mark
and some muddiness.

Another one bites the dust

Started spotting - AF is imminent. Although, I had little hope that we might end up pregnant this month, but I am still disappointed that it did not happen.  God, I am so ready for this to happen to us.  I am feeling especially shitty right now, because I just spied a new baby bump on Facebook.  At least this blog community makes me feel like I am not the only person in the world dealing with this shit.  Ok, the silver lining - I start IVF this month.  Eyes on the Prize.

Waiting Game

Got my last clearance call from CCRM today.  I have tested normal for CF, AMS, and Fragile X.  Whew! what a relief.  And my pap was normal. Now I am just waiting for AF to arrive, so I can start BCP's.  1 more week!  I met up with a childhood friend of mine who also went out to CCRM to build her family.  She was successful both times she went out there, so that is reassuring.  Now I need to bite the bullet and purchase those airline tickets and reserve a hotel room.   It's starting to feel more real! 

Moving On Up . . .

My husband and I had our 1-day work-up at CCRM and we were cleared for IVF in July! 

There were a few lab values that were a little off for both of us, but overall we will be "completely fine" (as Dr. G says) to proceed to IVF/ICSI. 

It seems crazy to think that I will become a human pincushion in a month.  This will be my first round of injectables.   Luckily, I do not have a fear of needles. 

Also trying to figure out the logistics of my travel and stay in Colorado.  Can't believe I will be out there for 2.5 weeks.

Now it's just a 2 week wait for my cycle to begin again and I will start BCP for 2 weeks, so we are looking at a transfer day of Aug 2 which is my birthday!

We are feeling very hopeful that this will work and could not be happier about the attention and care we have recieved from CCRM.