BFN

Yes - it appears that IUI #4 was a failure, but we have a plan now.  We met with Dr. G at Colorado Center for Reproductive Medicine and he recommended that we go ahead and plan for IVF.  So we are going to back to Denver in June for the 1-day work-up and then we will set a date for IVF hopefully for July.  We have alot of confidence in CCRM and our doctor, so I know we are making the right choice about spending the extra money.
It's been a crazy day.  I think I am having some major PMS because my head felt like it was going to explode a couple of times today.  I am having to cancel alot of social obligations, like weddings and bachelorette weekends due to fertility and it stresses me out!  Don't ever buy a plane ticket from Travelocity if there is a small chance you might not be able to use it.  Their cancellation policy is brutal.
The only thing that really frightens me about IVF is the twin factor.  I am scared of the risk of carrying twins.  Is this irrational?  My mom is delighted about the prospect of twins and thinks that I am being so negative and that I can't go into this with my current thinking.  I wonder if anyone else really struggled with this?
Anyway, things are moving right along, so I am relieved to finally be getting off the IUI train.

7DPO

Time acts so strange when you are dealing with infertility.  It's slow, but fast.  Time seems like it is crawling by, but then you look at your calendar and realize that from an infertility standpoint, your summer is almost over, as in I have 2 chances to get knocked up (Aug is out due to out of town wedding).
2 years ago after I had my miscarriage, I never would have dreamed that I would not have a baby in my arms by now.  It just did not seem conceivable that this much time would transpire.  But here we are.  I am actually in Boulder, CO this morning. So a very nice place to wake up.  Going to walk down the creek path to the Farmer's Market and then get a massage.  My super pregnant friend is coming to meet us later on today.  I will also see another good friend of mine who has 2 cute little girls.   And Here I am with time standing still for me.

It seems I have been in a perpetual bad mood this cycle.  I don't know if it's the letrozole messing with my hormones or what.  Usually I am not experiencing anxiety and depression this time of the month. I am not on the verge of tears, but I just feel blah and whiney.   I feel like I will not get back to my old self, until I get pregnant.  I feel like that seeing a positive pregnancy test will be the only thing that makes me truly happy.

Well, nobody has ever said the 2 week wait is easy, but I have only gotten through 1 week.  God, please have mercy on me and help me get through the next week with some semblance of  sanity and equanimity.

IUI No. 4

Today's IUI was the smoothest by far.   I had 2 follicles that looked good (no issues with the letrozole). 17mm and 21 mm.  Endometrium 11.5.  I opted for 36 hr (though my clinic recommends 24 hr).  We did not have any problems getting out the door at 6 pm (except for a little heated exchange between me and DH over him taking his sweet time and jumping in the shower at ten min before departure).  No crazy lady cutting me off on Hacks Crossing like the last time I drove to Memphis.  We were the only people in the waiting room this morning.  Only 1 other couple getting an IUI this round (unlike last time where I felt like I was at the mall).
DH did his thing (he is a good sport, though I think his patience is wearing a little thin). We did our usual 8 am Whole Foods breakfast and shop.  I got some really good blueberries.  And chocolate chip cookies.

I was not nervous at all this time around (well maybe a little when I was waiting on the nurse to come back in for the procedure).  I listenedd to circle and bloom, which really helps, along with an eye pillow to block out the overhead light.  It was the first time it didn't feel like the nurse was digging around in me trying to get the catheter in.  It is quick and painless for the first time. I hope that is a good sign.
To kill an hour before our acupuncture appointment, I went to Anthropologie where I was the only customer, since it was 10am.  I found a very cute skirt.  Shopping always lifts one's spirits.

Acupunture went well and I have come home and not done a damn thing, really.  I need to be cleaning up, but blogging is much more entertaining.  I am going to take it easy for the next 12 days.  No long walks, just nice easy strolls and gentle yoga for me.  Wishing all the love and luck in the world to anyone who is undergoing fertility treatments right now.  Until then, TortoiseMama

Day 3 of Cycle - A Good Day

I am on Letrozole and from what I gathered on my internet readings, it actually has less side effects than the clomid.  I did not seem to have any bad ones on clomid except for the vision problems.  So hopefully Letrozole will do the job.
A few months back, I started a new monthly tradition of buying a children's book every time I find out I did not get pregnant.  When I was growing up, my mom used to let me buy a Berenstain Bear book everytime I had to get allergy shots.  I still remember how fun that was.  I have always loved to read and want my child to enjoy books as much as I did. I t has been nice to reminisce about my old favorites like Ferdinand the Bull, Mr. and Mrs. Pig's Evening Out, and Sylvester and the Magic Pebble. And I'ved discovered some new ones too, like Pete the Cat and Children Make Terrible Pets (about a Bear who finds a child lost in the woods and wants to keep it as a pet).

 For me, buying myself a book, is a tangible reward for my monthly efforts.  This month's book, A Good Day, was a newly published one that has a nice message which will hopefully be a harbinger of what's to come this month.