Winn turned 1 this week! I don't know where my baby went - he has morphed into a busy rambunctious toddler overnight. Still not full on walking, but it won't be long. He has one little tooth on the bottom finally. He is super attached to me now, which is sweet but sometimes problematic. I had a babysitter who was coming on Wednesday mornings, but I had to let her go, because he was so unhappy with her. Even though I get annoyed when he whines when I try to put him down to do something, I try to remind myself that this time is so fleeting and one day I will really miss holding him on my hip. We are taking a signing/music class which is fun and he is doing the signs for milk, hungry, and down. This week lots of lightbulbs seem to be going off in his little head. And my lord, he is so demanding - everytime I eat something, he starts pointing emphatically and says "unh, unh." It is not relaxing to try to eat/drink around him.
It was a busy week with the birthday festivities - I did a picnic party at the community garden where we have had a plot for the last 4 years. It was pretty hot, but luckily the mosquitos stayed away and I saw the first lightning bugs of year on his birthday. It went by so quickly and I was so busy visiting with folks and making sure everything all the food and drinks were being served, I didn't take as many pictures as I wanted. I need to figure out how to get stills from video footage. It was so funny to watch his expression when everyone started singing "Happy Birthday" - he was like "why the hell is everyone singing to me." He loved his carrot cupcake with cream cheese frosting - ate every bit of it. It was wonderful to be surrounded by my family and it made me reminisce about this time last year when I was trying to bring him out into the world. Even though I was very tired after the party, it did not compare to the utter exhaustion of labor and delivery.
I still trying to make peace with ending up a c-section. Isn't it crazy that I still mourn not being able to experience vaginal birth. Why is that? My husband is convinced that the natural childbirth movement is anti-feminist, because it makes women who needed a c-section feel bad about not being "woman" enough to push their babies out on the their on. If we ever have another child, he is definitely for CBAC - cesarean brith after cesarean :)
So one thing that has helped compensate for my traumatic delivery is that I finally reached my goal of breastfeeding for a whole year! I stuck it out even with the dysmorphic milk ejection reflex (weird depressed feeling right before letdown) and vasospasm in my left nipple. Now that I met my goal, I've started tapering off. We are down to 2 times a day. While it's been a wonderful experience, I am ready to move on and hopefully he won't be too hard to wean. Even though I'm ready, there is a part of me that just cringes with the thought of stopping completely.
Lots of changes are coming down the pipeline - I want to get serious about sleep training again, so I don't lose my sanity. I have never been about to put him in his crib and walk away for a nap. Instead, I have to stroll him to sleep or drive him around and then transfer him to his crib. Lately, he has been waking up during the transfer and so I don't get my much needed mommy break. I hate to do CIO, but I feel like it's the only way with him. Does anyone have any suggestions? I hope we make a breakthrough soon . . .
I've been going to the park alot lately - Winn loves swinging and climbing up the slides. With my REI dividend, I bought a burley bike trailer and that has revolutionized my life this summer. I feel so free when I'm riding my bike with him and he loves it. It had been almost 2 years since I've ridden a bike because of fertility treatments, being pregnant and then waiting for him to get old enough to ride.
So that's what been going on in my world - It has been an amazing year of growth and transformation!
