Wednesday, August 24, 2011


I have anger management issues.  Big time.  I am not going into the details but it had to do with money and a certain somebody (not my husband but he bore the brunt of my rage). I thought my head was going to explode last night.  I literally went beserk. I wanted to throw things and hit stuff.  I am glad I was not pregnant last night or I think I would have caused miscarriage.  I ended up going for a run at 10:30 pm to work the energy out of me.  The situation had nothing to do with infertility (except maybe the money part indirectly), but I don't think I would have reacted the way I did if we were not going through infertility.  I guess I am on a hair trigger.

I would say I am fairly conservative with spending money.  I will splurge from time to time on a nice dress or outfit, but I try to keep myself in check.   I am keeping an xcel spreadsheet on how much we have spent so far on infertility treatments in the last year.  I won't quote the total, but it blows my mind.  On the bright side we will probably pay no taxes this year.  I feel like if I input the costs into my spreadsheet, that somehow I have more control over the situation.  There are so many hurdles with infertlity and I have to say this has been a hard one for me.

I had to take Benadryl in order to sleep last night, because I got so worked up.  Could it be all those hormone fluctuations still messing with me?  Feel groggy today, but alot more mellow.

I went to see The Help this past weekend and enjoyed it.  Hard to believe it wasn't that long ago that people acted like that.  I talked to a couple of people in the ticket line who were students at Ole Miss when James Meredith integrated in 1962.   Oxford has changed alot since those days, thank god!
On an infertility sidenote, one of the characters in the movie is dealing with recurrent miscarriages.   And this actress that played this character leads a "cruelty -free" life, so the drumstick that she is eating in one of the scenes is made out of tofurkey.   (I am acquainted with the chef who cooked for the movie).

Going to get my progesterone test taken on Friday to see if I ovulated this month.  I think I did and that machine didn't pick it up for some reason.
Take care everybody!


  1. IF is incredibly stressful...on all fronts - physically, emotionally, and definitely financially. It definitely puts even the strongest relationships to the test. Been there - hope you're feeling better today.

  2. Thanks Jen - I am feeling much better today. It was a Mental health day for me.

  3. I've had many, many of those ;) Glad you're feeling better today!

  4. ugh...hope today is better for you. Man...wouldn't things be easier if IF wasn't so damn expensive?! Glad you got out for a run! I saw The Help too and keep thinking how it wasn't that long ago...craziness.

  5. I'm sorry you had such a rough night. Between all the hormones and the stress of IF, it's a wonder we don't explode more often! Hope you find a way to do something to take care of yourself/treat yourself today after such a stressful night! :)

  6. I hope things are going better today.

    IF is so stressful. I don't think people realize that it's not just the physical stress, but also the financial stress. If I think about all the concessions we have made to go through 4 IVFs in 2.5 years, it almost makes me want to puke.

    Sometimes we all need a mental health day. We're always here to listen!