Friday, June 21, 2013

One year!

Winn turned 1 this week!   I don't know where my baby went - he has morphed into a busy rambunctious toddler overnight.  Still not full on walking, but it won't be long.  He has one little tooth on the bottom finally.  He is super attached to me now, which is sweet but sometimes problematic.  I had a babysitter who was coming on Wednesday mornings, but I had to let her go, because he was so unhappy with her.  Even though I get annoyed when he whines when I try to put him down to do something, I try to remind myself that this time is so fleeting and one day I will really miss holding him on my hip.   We are taking a signing/music class which is fun and he is doing the signs for milk, hungry, and down.  This week lots of lightbulbs seem to be going off in his little head.  And my lord, he is so demanding - everytime I eat something, he starts pointing emphatically and says "unh, unh." It is not relaxing to try to eat/drink around him.

It was a busy week with the birthday festivities - I did a picnic party at the community garden where we have had a plot for the last 4 years.  It was pretty hot, but luckily the mosquitos stayed away and I saw the first lightning bugs of year on his birthday.  It went by so quickly and I was so busy visiting with folks and making sure everything all the food and drinks were being served, I didn't take as many pictures as I wanted.  I need to figure out how to get stills from video footage.  It was so funny to watch his expression when everyone started singing "Happy Birthday" - he was like "why the hell is everyone singing to me."  He loved his carrot cupcake with cream cheese frosting - ate every bit of it.  It was wonderful to be surrounded by my family and it made me reminisce about this time last year when I was trying to bring him out into the world.  Even though I was very tired after the party, it did not compare to the utter exhaustion of labor and delivery.

I still trying to make peace with ending up a c-section.  Isn't it crazy that I still mourn not being able to experience vaginal birth.  Why is that?  My husband is convinced that the natural childbirth movement is anti-feminist, because it makes women who needed a c-section feel bad about not being "woman" enough to push their babies out on the their on.  If we ever have another child, he is definitely for CBAC - cesarean brith after cesarean :)

So one thing that has helped compensate for my traumatic delivery is that I finally reached my goal of breastfeeding for a whole year!  I stuck it out even with the dysmorphic milk ejection reflex (weird depressed feeling right before letdown) and vasospasm in my left nipple.  Now that I met my goal, I've started tapering off.  We are down to 2 times a day.  While it's been a wonderful experience, I am ready to move on and hopefully he won't be too hard to wean.  Even though I'm ready, there is a part of me that just cringes with the thought of stopping completely.

Lots of changes are coming down the pipeline -  I want to get serious about sleep training again, so I don't lose my sanity.  I have never been about to put him in his crib and walk away for a nap.  Instead, I have to stroll him to sleep or drive him around and then transfer him to his crib.  Lately, he has been waking up during the transfer and so I don't get my much needed mommy break.  I hate to do CIO, but I feel like it's the only way with him.  Does anyone have any suggestions?    I hope we make a breakthrough soon . . .

I've been going to the park alot lately - Winn loves swinging and climbing up the slides.  With my REI dividend, I bought a burley bike trailer and that has revolutionized my life this summer.  I feel so free when I'm riding my bike with him and he loves it.  It had been almost 2 years since I've ridden a bike because of fertility treatments, being pregnant and then waiting for him to get old enough to ride.

So that's what been going on in my world - It has been an amazing year of growth and transformation!

                                                                    His first pool
                                                     with my mom, his Lala, on his birthday
                                                                      in the Burley


  1. Aww so sweet. He looks so grown up in the last picture - it looks like he's saying, "Hey you - enough pictures. I'm ready. Let's roll!"

  2. Happy Birthday Winn! You have become such a handsome toddler! I have no sleep advice. We did CIO, which was hard, but only took 4 days to achieve success. Good for you sticking out nursing for a year! Weaning is hard, but you will enjoy getting some freedoms back! I'm so glad you updated! I love the burley, too hot here to consider getting one until the fall!

  3. Happy birthday Winn! You are so cute!

  4. It's so amazing how quickly the first birthday comes along. They just grow and develop so quickly that first year, I love every minute of it! I do find myself thinking about my c-section too, I just wonder what it would have been like vaginally?! Amazing on breastfeeding for an entire year, that is a great accomplishment. I was sad to give it up at 6 months but once I was done I was sooo happy, I finally felt like myself again and Logan was such a biter so he made it easy for me to stop. Keep us posted on baby #2!

  5. Winn is big now and so adorable too! Hugs and good luck with the weaning!! =0)

  6. Love it all. Not sure what to tell you about the c-section. I felt the same way prior but mine was planned.....and I mourned it hard before I went in. Now, I would not have had it any other way. Vaginal birth is hard on the baby and risky/painful for the mom. I too will never know what it feels like.....but I have never looked back. I hope you find a way to make peace with it. Winn is here and safe and healthy...remember that is because you wound up with a c-section. As for's getting a little late for that in some experts opinions, because they are aware now and may hold it against you. I tried it a few times and only lasted a few minutes....the trauma Livi sustained was never worth it to me. Try other things. Lay in bed with him with books, toys, stuffed animals and little blankness. He might take to one of those things to help him drift off. Livi sleeps with a little blankie, because ever since she was born, she sucked on her sleeve to fall asleep. So we ended up giving her something else. She plays with it to fall asleep, even though I have to let her cry for a minute sometimes, because she too has gotten used to being nursed to sleep. Try building a sleep association that isn't movement. Maybe a bear or blankie in the stroller/car to hold for a while and then remove the movement but keep the bear/blankie.....lay with him for bit, etc. good thing I learned in trying all theses I never gave Livi enough credit. She never needed to cry it out. She just needed a chance to learn to sleep on her own. It's OK if it takes time, a few tries, and a few different methods.

  7. Your sleeping issue has been on my mind, as we went through it when Livi was 4 it down to a perfect science and then came teething. She was in so much pain that I nursed her into her naps......and now I'm back to square one. She is able to stand up in her crib, so letting her cry even a little makes no sense. She stands there ans cries. In our bed it is becoming dangerous because even with guard rails there, she crawls and gets up and can fall off. So I am taking measures to do things gradually and one tactic is will share....make it will help. If you can get Winn to relax in your bed with you and notice that he could sleep but needs some help, shake the bed by softly kicking the mattress, or put him on a blanket, and tug the blanket. That is how wwe got Livi weaned off motion and into a bed. If he can fall asleep that way, it is another step to do it by himself, and another step to get into the crib. One way that I will get Livi into her crib again (right now I rock and nurse and the bed I just nurse) is to get her super duper tired, usually time at the pool, in our hot tub or a long shower with me will do it. At that point, she has been known to grab her blankie and pass out. I will start doing that in the bed and then in her crib. She has two naps a day, so I will keep one nap comfortable and easy for both of us and one that pushes the boundaries to get to our goal. I will be working again in a few months and need her to be able to nap on her own. I was there once !!!! So mad at myself. Good luck. Livi went from needing to move to sleep to me putting her in her crib and walking away, but that was at 4/5 months.....without CIO. Just takes trying different things and letting them give you hints as to what works. At a year old, it might be harder but don't give up.

  8. Happy birthday to Winn (albeit totally late!) I am behind on everything these days, particularly blogging! I know how you feel about the attachment thing. My little J is so attached he cries whenever I try to give him to anyone else. Luckily O is a bit more independent, but when they both want me at the same time it is pretty challenging! So glad you are doing well, and I hope the weaning goes well. I am down to 2 pumps a day, and hope to be totally done in a few weeks!

  9. We have no slumber assistance. All of us would CIO, that has been difficult, but only had taken Several days and nights to have success. Useful to you herniated nursing jobs to get a 12 months! Satisfy is tough, but you'll get pleasure from benefiting from liberties rear! I am just therefore delighted an individual updated! I really like your burley, hot right here to take into account buying one before the tumble!cheapest rs goldBillig WOW Gold