Back Home

We got back in yesterday afternoon and it is really nice to be in my own house again.   With my puppy dog.   I think I have finally gotten the valium out of my system.   Luckily progesterone is sleep inducing, because it would really suck to have insomnia this week.  My day of bedrest and our flight back was thankfully uneventful.  My husband won't let me pick up anything and it was kind of nice having a sherpa at the airport:)
  So what am I going to do to distract myself over the next week?  I can't exercise, have orgasms, sleep on my belly, or take baths.   I think I will work on being very mindful, so I don't accidentially trip over my own feet, which I am prone to do frequently, because I am usually buzzing around like a little bee.  Thich Nhat Hahn is in Batesville this weekend for a retreat at his Magnolia Grove Monastery and we are going to go Sunday for the Day of Mindfulness.  1 hour walking meditation followed by a 2 hour dharma talk.  Hopefully this will give me some insight on how to get through this week, the next 8 months or another FET if need be.  I need to practice nonattachment and equanamity this week.  Que sera, sera.  Well, off to change my estrogen patches!

PUPO!

Transfer went very smoothly today.  Since our transfer was not until 1:15, we had a leisurely morning.   I check in at 11:30 and got blood drawn and then went upstairs to get ready for pre-transfer acupuncture.  It was so relaxing and meditative.

The only stressor of the day was my bladder.  I chugged a bunch of water before acupuncture and thank goodness the nurse let release some because I had about 45 min until transfer after my session.
At 1:15, Dr. Gustofsen came in and prepped me and did a quick trial run with the catheter and the embryologist wheeled in the "embryo wagon" which is like an incubator that premies are in.  She showed us our perfect little blastocyst on the screen.  She said that it had survived the thaw 100% and that the embryologist that thawed it said it was one of the prettiest he has seen.  It was beautiful to see!

Dr. G seemed to have a little trouble navigating my cervix and the u/s tech was really pushing down on my bladder, so it was pretty intense there for about 5 minutes.  But I think he got the embryo where he/she needs to be my uterus.   I was so happy to have this part over and am not ashamed to say that I did take advantage of the bedpan because had  30 minutes of post transfer acupuncture and I needed to be able to relax.

The rest of the afternoon consisted of a little reading, a valium induced nap and my husband waiting on me hand and foot.  I'm not used to being so still.  And I worry that every little move I make is going to disrupt the embryo.  I hope she/he digs in quickly.  It's still hard for me to wrap my brain around this whole thing and believe that the little ball of glowing light I saw on the screen today can take up residence in my uterus and become my child.  I am so incredibly grateful that I have had so much support through this process and I really hope that I can remain calm and positive until beta day (next thursday).  Thanks everyone for your hopeful thoughts and prayers.

Back in Denver

Well, nothing much to report, except we are back in Colorado and ready for our transfer at 1:15 pm tomorrow!  The FET cycle has been way more chill than the full stim cycle.  It's nice not having to go in for all those ultrasounds and bloodwork everyday and have the stress of waiting for the phonecalls for further instructions.
We actually got into Denver on Saturday, spent an afternoon in Boulder, then back to Denver for the night, so I could get my progesterone levels drawn on Sunday at CCRM (it was normal).  Then we headed up to Fort Collins where I lived for 3 years while I went to grad school for nutrition.   I hadn't been in there in 3 years so it was so nice to see how things had changed since I left and reminisce about the good ole grad school days. Colorado State campus looks like it underwent a renaissance after I left.  Lots of new buildings and student centers and Huge indoor rockclimbing facility.  I hope that I can persaude my child to go to college there one day!
We did a great hike in Lory State Park called Arthur's Rock.  Did not make it all the way to the top, but did get some great views of Horsetooth resevoir.  The weather is amazing.  The leaves are just starting to turn.  In about 10 days it should be peak color in the mountains.
Right now I feel calm about the transfer, but am sure I will be a nervous wreck tomorrow, until I get my acupuncture and Valium.  I wish it was just a tad bit earlier, so I wouldn't have as much time to fret.
I'm impressed that I have managed to remember to take all these meds at the right times.  The progesterone is kinda yucky, but I prefer it over the PIO shots any day.  These hormones are making me feel pretty good actually.  No headaches!

Well, I think I need a nap.  Ahhh, vacations are nice.

It's a go!

Thank y'all for all of your reassuring comments.  I just talked my nurse and she said that we are good to start prometrium tomorrow night.  One more Lupron Shot! And this is a good thing because I only have one more needle in my house.  My Estradiol level was in the 2000's.  No wonder I feel like I am already pregnant.  Nothing sounds that good to eat, but I can still eat without a problem. 

So now I'll stay on 4 patches of estrogen, 1 estrace/day.  Tomorrow, I will start prometrium suppositories 3 x day, Medrol 1x/d, Tetracycline 4x/d, baby aspirin 1x/d.  No injections!!! 

I have to get my progesterone level checked on Sat., so I will probably swing by my old fertility clinic early to get a blood draw on my way to the Memphis Airport.  I went there this morning and ran into a childhood acquaintance who is doing IVF.   She said if this cycle did not work for her, she was considering going out to CCRM.  I feel like I need to start a IVF club in my town!  

Possible lining issues?

Agh!  My lining is 12.5 mm and I am worried that this is too thick.  Apparantly, they like it between 8-11. The nurse will let me know after she talks to Dr. G.  I have a feeling it's going to be ok, but there is always uncertainty lurking around every corner.  
I will give an update later today.  Has anyone had problems with lining being too thick?

Vote NO to Amendment 26!

Y'all, there is a frightening amendment to the Mississippi constitution that is on the ballot for Nov. election this year.  It's the "Personhood" Amendment which aims to overturn Roe v. Wade.  If Mississippians vote Yes to this, then an embryo will be given the same legal rights as you and I, therefore any type of abortion will be made illegal, as well as stem cell research, some forms of birth control (IUD because it prevents implantation).  IVF could possible be considered a crime if leftover embryos are used for research or discarded.  If it is passed and taken to the extreme, a MS resident receiving fertility treatment, even out of out of state, could possibly be prosecuted for murder.  I've always been pro-choice, although infertility has made me realize what a gift conceiving a child is, but there are some circumstances where abortion may be appropriate and really I don't think it is my business what another woman chooses to do with the life inside her within reason.
The ironic thing is that this PersonhoodUSA organization is headquartered in Arvada, Colorado, right down the road from Lone Tree.  Coloradoans voted down similar attempts to change the constitution in Colorado, but have managed to gain ground in right wing conservative (and might I add less educated) states like Mississippi.  Pray this will not come to pass.  If it does, I'll be gettin' the hell out of here.

Turtle Call

Well, It's been pretty serious over here at Tortoise Baby, so I thought I would lighten the mood with this link.  The guy the turtle called is actually my brother who is in the process of restoring an antebellum home.  He is almost finished with the project.  This turtle call makes me laugh everytime I listen to it.  I hope everyone has a great weekend!

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rfemqi10_l4

Morning update: I just had the strangest dream.  I dreamed that my sister in law who is very fertile (3 children) decided she wanted to do IVF after not getting pregnant for 9 months of trying.  The nurse came into the waiting room and was like we can't do the transfer unless you pay your bill, and my SIL looked at me and was like I need your credit card.  I just about lost my mind and would not give it to her! Somehow it worked out for her they did the transfer.  And then I was so upset again, because I just knew it was going to work for her and not for me.   This dream was so threatening.  SIL rivalry!

Estrogenerized

It's time to up the estrogen to 3 patches a day and estrace tablet in the hooha 1x/day.   Yay,  I have been headachey on the lupron.  Dr. G. said it was ok to take my migraine med until 3 days before transfer, so that is good.  

Thank you all for your supportive comments on my dilemma.  I think I have decided to go with a single embryo transfer and do two of these and if they don't work, we can up the ante, though I have a feeling it's gonna work!  My husband put it into perspective for me and says I need to think about this decision from the baby's point of view instead of what I want.

I may be overthinking this whole twins thing. . . there are so many very good outcomes with twins that I have seen on the blogs and in my real life. Why am I feeling so cautious?  My mom is going to think I am crazy for not transferring 2.  She really wants twin grandbabies.  I don't know if I can even tell her my plan.  That's the bad thing about being open about the IVF process is that you are open to their opinions as well.   I like this quote posted on Waiting and Wishing blog: Do what you feel in your heart to be right – for you’ll be criticized anyway. Eleanor Roosvelt.

Phone consult

Had my phone consult with Dr. Gustofsen today.  I don't know why, but I was nervous before it and it's just a damn telephone call.  The first order of business is to decide how many embryos to transfer.  He said he would be fine with either 1 or 2.  So now we have the dilemma of 1 or 2.  Dr. G. said it's basically up to us and was not trying to sway one way of the other.  My husband brought up the point that we do not have access to cutting edge healthcare in Mississippi and if we had twins and they ended up in the NICU here in MS it would not be ideal.  He thought that was a valid reason to transfer 1. 

Before this phonecall, I had resigned myself to transferring 2, but now that Dr. G said he would be fine with 1, I am back to square 1 with this decision.  There is the issue of chomosomal testing.  We did not do this, because no one recommended it to us, but now since we are considering going the SET route, I would like to do it because it will increase our chances.  During a regular FET, do they thaw the embryo out 1 at a time or do they thaw them all out and pick the best one that is thawed?  I emailed Dr. G. that question, but some of you may know.  If they thaw them all out anyway, I would want to do the genetic testing.

I feel pressure to do 2 to make sure it works, but on the other hand, I really want a healthy, uncomplicated pregnancy. If I lived in Denver, the answer would be easier.  I would do SET.  Y'all - I just hate these kind of decisions, because I go back and forth between the pros and cons and it makes me crazy!
I think I may just let my husband take responsibility for this decision. 

Get my Juju workin'

Today I went and picked up these two West African fertility dolls that my uncle brought back with him from his stint in the Peace Corps in the 70's.  (see below!) It's a male and a female (2 feet tall).  My uncle and his wife have 4 children and they claim they helped them, so he wanted to give them to me.  They are a little scary and have been up in their attic for 20 years.  I put them on either side of our bedside tables.  I'm hoping they work some magic!  Can you imagine if I brought them out to Colorado with me!

This weekend was good.  The party last night for my cousin who is getting married in December was fun, but I got a headache.  I did take a little bit of imitrex, because I can't stand having a migraine.  This is the last time I am going to take it, because of course Dr. G and the nurse don't want me to take anything except what is prescribed.  So the next 3 weeks are going to be very low-key.  No social obligations.  No stress (yeah right!).

Last Friday, I ran into a friend who was actually the first person in Oxford that I met that was going through fertility treatments.  She and I lost touch a year ago.  She never responded to my emails,  so I thought she didn't want to talk anymore, but she told me when I saw her that she never checks that hotmail account anymore, so that made me feel better.   She is finally pregnant after going though alot to get there, so I am so happy for her.

At the party last night, I told a couple of my friends that I was doing in vitro.  Everyone I talked to was super supportive.  I am so over my fertility struggle being a secret.  I talk openly to my family about it, which is really nice.   The closer I get to the transfer the better I feel.  I am ready to have my consult with Dr. G on Tues at 9:30.  Did any of y'all get the APA test where they test to see if you have any blood clotting problems?  This phone consult is $100.  Is there anything I should be sure to ask him?

CD1 FET

Whoohoo!  I finally made it.  My nurse instructed me to go ahead and start estrogen patch today as well and go down to 5 units of Lupron and start baby aspirin.  So excited!

I am so tired today.  And hungry.  I started a digital photography class tonight, so hopefully I will learn how to use my DSLR camera better, rather than just keep it on the automatic mode all the time.

My nurse also said that I will keep my transfer date the same, if my lining looks ready to go by then.  So no changing up flights.  I am so glad to finally be at the this point where I feel like I am actually doing something.   Things are moving along!

CD 33

I've never gone this long!  I did a pregnancy test this morning just to be sure.  Of course it was negative which is a good thing with all the lupron I have been on.  I feel crampy and saw tiny bit of color on the tp, so I think AF is eminent.  Been craving milkshakes and potato chips - sweet and salty!  I caught a bit part of Pulp Fiction this weekend in the hotel. I saw the scene where Uma Thurman orders a $5 shake and I have been craving one ever since.  This song has been in my head for 3 days.

Here's to lupron milkshakes!  So happy for Kelli this morning!  Thank god for all you women helping me get through this crazy time.  

Lupron and late period?

Thanks for all the get well comments! I am recovered from my cold, mostly.  I'm on vacation in St. Petersburg, FL which has been wonderful.  Good to take my mind off of fertility stuff.  This is the first time we have taken a non-fertility related trip in a while.   Though it is never far from my mind when I see little kids, babies and pregnant women everywhere.  My sister-in-law had her greek wedding ceremony today (she was also married in an Episcopal ceremony earlier this month).  Her husband's mom is Greek.  It was really beautiful and they kept saying things about their children's children and babies during the ceremony.   Maybe we should have had more fertility blessings in our wedding!

In other news, tomorrow is Day 30 of my cycle and AF has not made her arrival.  Dr. Google tells me that lupron can sometimes delay the onset of your period. Has anyone experienced this if they started lupron on Day 21 of their cycle?  My breasts are very tender.  I know I can't be pregnant, because we used protection.  Grrrr.  Hopefully, she'll show up tomorrow and I won't have to push back my transfer date.
Why does it take a month to grow the uterine lining? So far the lupron has given me daily headaches in the afternoon, but that could also be related to traveling and not sleeping well.

I wish I could say I was further along with this cycle, but it seems like it is just taking forever!